“Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.”

“GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.”

“AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.”

“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”

“Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.”

“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”