“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

“Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.”

“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”

“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”

“FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”

“TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”