“Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.”

“Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is to be received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him.”

“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”

“GEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust --to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones or mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.”

“ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.”

“The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.”