“Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.”

“Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.”

“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”

“Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.”

“Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.”

“You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.”

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”