“Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.”

“VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

“HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.”

“Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”

“BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.”

“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”