“Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.”

“ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.”

“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”

“MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.”

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

“Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.”