“Debt is an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver. ”

“Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”

“Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.”

“Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.”

“Acquaintance: "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.”

“Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.”

“HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.”