“Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue”

“Redemption, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religions, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.”

“Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”

“LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.”

“GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.”

“Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.”