“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”

“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”

“Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.”

“Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”

“FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”

“Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.”

“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”