“Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.”

“MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.”

“Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.”

“Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.”

“GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.”

“Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.”