“Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.”

“Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.”

“Debt is an ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver. ”

“Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.”

“Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue”

“FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”

“Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.”