“Litigation – A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

“GEOLOGY, n. The science of the earth's crust --to which, doubtless, will be added that of its interior whenever a man shall come up garrulous out of a well. The geological formations of the globe already noted are catalogued thus: The Primary, or lower one, consists of rocks, bones or mired mules, gas-pipes, miners' tools, antique statues minus the nose, Spanish doubloons and ancestors. The Secondary is largely made up of red worms and moles. The Tertiary comprises railway tracks, patent pavements, grass, snakes, mouldy boots, beer bottles, tomato cans, intoxicated citizens, garbage, anarchists, snap-dogs and fools.”

“Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.”

“Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.”

“Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.”

“Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.”