“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”

“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.”

“Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.”

“Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.”

“FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”

“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”