“Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.”

“FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”

“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”

“Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.”

“Alliance - In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.”

“Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.”

“ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.”