“optimism, n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with disproof - an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.”

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. ”

“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

“Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is to be received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him.”

“Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.”

“Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.”