“Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.”

“Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.”

“TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.”

“Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.”

“Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is.Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.”

“ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standards in matters of thought and conduct. To be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.A striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself, whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.”

“Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.”