“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

“DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.”

“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”

“History – An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.”

“Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.”

“Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. ”

“San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen”