“For an entire wing of the G.O.P., a dysfunctional government, whose only visible activity is mismanaging crises, is not an embarrassment but the vindication of a worldview.”

“As the paramedics lifted her, my grandmother's corpulent arms swung like bat wings with the life squeezed out of them.”

“All bodies are radiant but not all radiance is visible: stars radiate visible light; planets and donkeys and couches radiate infrared waves. (If your couch is emitting visible light GET UP IMMEDIATELY!)”

“The burn unit is often the most distant wing of a hospital, because burn victims are so susceptible to infection that they must be kept away from other patients. More important, perhaps, is that the placement minimizes the chance of visitors stumbling across a Kentucky Fried Human.”

“That smile, right there?”“Yeah?”“I’ve known you my entire life. You only smile like that for me.”

“Metaphors are like similes, the only difference is.”

“Don't lick the wound, you'll only infect it!”