“From the very second that two people sat together around a fire in the forest, there was another human out there who felt better in the dark.”

“He had the radio turned to some Spanish-language station at a volume that reminded me of the holding tank at Riker's Island - and for an added touch of authenticity he screamed 'Maricon!' and waved his fist out the open window at another driver who had the audacity to attempt to share the road with us.”

“People who don't have much get ugly about giving up the little they have left.”

“The Bowery station on the J line is what happens to a neighborhood once politicians realize the people who live there don’t vote.”

“Cats are the lap-dancers of the animal world. Soon as you stop shelling out, they move on, find another lap. They're furry little sociopaths. Pretty and slick -- in love with themselves. When's the last time you saw a seeing-eye cat?”

“Most investigators don't even know what the word means. You stop the cops from using informants and the only crimes they'd ever solve would be those by deranged postal workers who come to work once too often.”

“The Humane Society of America thinks Michael Vick should have a dog. I think whoever's in charge there should have a lobotomy.”