“The trouble with dictionaries is, they tell you more about words than you want to know without answering the question you have.”

“Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.”

“Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.”

“If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.”

“My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea.”

“The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.”

“If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.”