“A jacketless Murdoch resumes his quiz, brushing off the assault as 'an overexcited autograph-hunter wanting to have his shaving foam signed.”

“To all the revolutionaries fighting to throw off the yoke of tyranny around the world: look at British democracy. Is that what you want?”

“Genghis Miliband roars up to the despatch box like a caged donkey.”

“Nice mix of Tory MPs saying this issue shouldn't be used for petty political pointscoring, & Tory MPs trying to score petty political points.”

“New Labour leader Ed Miliband announces plan to 'make this party slightly less unelectable by 2015'. He added: 'I am Ed, the Almighty One.'Defeated brother David Miliband overheard muttering: 'Now I know how Wayne Christ felt after little Jesus came along.”

“Beauty is a sign of intelligence.”

“I think I must have got an eye - and I'll be honest, I hope so: I hope he's a one-eyed prison guard now and telling his tale about how he tried to sell a little boy after a deal was made and that boy turned round and took his eye out - I hope his whole cheating face is cut right through, my gift to a filthy traitor.”