“New Labour leader Ed Miliband announces plan to 'make this party slightly less unelectable by 2015'. He added: 'I am Ed, the Almighty One.'Defeated brother David Miliband overheard muttering: 'Now I know how Wayne Christ felt after little Jesus came along.”

“Genghis Miliband roars up to the despatch box like a caged donkey.”

“To all the revolutionaries fighting to throw off the yoke of tyranny around the world: look at British democracy. Is that what you want?”

“Nice mix of Tory MPs saying this issue shouldn't be used for petty political pointscoring, & Tory MPs trying to score petty political points.”

“A jacketless Murdoch resumes his quiz, brushing off the assault as 'an overexcited autograph-hunter wanting to have his shaving foam signed.”

“I think I must have got an eye - and I'll be honest, I hope so: I hope he's a one-eyed prison guard now and telling his tale about how he tried to sell a little boy after a deal was made and that boy turned round and took his eye out - I hope his whole cheating face is cut right through, my gift to a filthy traitor.”

“As a leader it is your job to protect the missional integrity of the Jesus gathering to which you have been called. It is your responsibility to see to it that the church under your care continues as a gathering of people in process; a place where the curious,the unconvinced, the sceptical, the used-to-believe and the broken, as well as the committed, informed and sold-out come together around Peter's declaration that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God.”