“I've always thought that Freud's theory of penis envy was fairly ridiculous -- but I'm absolutely certain that if you put a piece of bread in your mouth and suck on it you'll go to heaven.”
“Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic?”
“Reality is an absolute, existence is an absolute, a speck of dust is an absolute and so is a human life. Whether you live or die is an absolute. Whether you have a piece of bread or not, is an absolute. Whether you eat your bread or see it vanish into a looter’s stomach, is an absolute.”
“My favorite pen is my penis. Put my words in your mouth.”
“ALRIGHT then, be a Zen monk. But you wait and see. You'll be happy and bright. You'll laugh. People will envy and ridicule you. You won't care. (sigh)”
“Seeing how I've held your penis in my hand, I think that puts you firmly in the not a stranger category.”