“After all the work and lies—and lotion—it took to get me into this parking lot, I’m not going home without more success to add to my list.”

“My biggest fear in life is to exist without living. I’m not quite sure what I mean by that but I’d rather die than just plod along without a map. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’ve got everything worked out. Admittedly I’m not sure where I’m going, but I’m determined to get there all the same.”

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”

“A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home. For me, my home is one brick, and I carry it with me wherever I go, because I’m always on the move. Maybe one day, when I’m a wealthy man, I’ll get a second brick and walk around with my mansion in my hands.
”

“Evolution has produced us more recently, and that makes us the smartest ever. After all, we invented the parking lot.”

“Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.”