“Pretend-dating Gray Porter is going to be like pretend-dating a rainbow. Everyone looks at him all the time.”

“I grab my bag and open the door, trying to ignore him. But ignoring Gray Porter is like ignoring an elephant in a tutu. A really hot elephant-in a very manly tutu.”

“But ignoring Gray Porter is like ignoring an elephant in a tutu. A really hot elephant—in a very manly tutu.”

“Ignoring Gray Porter is like ignoring an elephant in a tut. A really hot elephant in a tutu... a very manly tutu." -Jess”

“We'll need to clarify for the record, that I'm a pretend girlfriend. Pretend,” she demands. “Got it? If you're giving me that goofy look because you think there are going to be benefits as part of this deal, you can just hold it right there! Pretend girlfriend. Say it with me.” I shake my head at her outrageous comments. “Please. I've got that understood.” “Good.”

“I want you to know if we die right now, I won't be able to distinguish if I've made it to heaven or not, because I'm already sitting here with you.. like this." -Gray Porter”

“As awkward as this moment is, I'm intrigued with the possibilities of what this could mean. Gray Porter holding up my bangs while I memorize the depth of his chin divot ranks at the top of my things-that-have-overly-surprised me list! I don't really have such a list. But when I get home, I'm making one.”