“Mr. Wiggles seemstaken with you.”“It tried to urinate on me the other day. I prefer notto be ‘taken’ by something like that.”

“For some reason, I kept trying to see how much pubic hair he had. It was all matted and kind of orange, like something you use to scrub soap scum. When he caught me looking, he told me that the landlord on the show – Mr. Furley or whatever his name was – didn’t try hard enough. “That guy doesn’t try hard enough, Steve,” he said. I felt weirdly ashamed when he said that. So much so that I went into his room and urinated on his bed.”

“Do you want me to ride you like a rented mule, or do you prefer to be Mr. Missionary Position? I'm fine with wither, so it doesn't matter to me.”

“My Mommy likes to wiggle And it really makes me giggle. The music keeps her moving And she's smiling as she's grooving.She goes...Wiggle, wiggle to the left; wiggle to the right, Wiggle, wiggle, jiggle, jiggle - Dancing through the night...”

“No, I like you alive and warm and wiggling.”

“Ah well, there you go. Young people are always demanding respect instead of trying to earn it. In my day, respect was something to strive for. Something to be given, not taken." Major Pettigrew”