“Goddamn it, do it yourself. You’re five hundred years old and you can’t use a telephone? Read the directions. What are you, an immortal idiot?”

“You dare speak to me in such an insolent manner?''Stop talking like you’re two hundred years old. You’re sixteen, just like me.”

“[Senator Bill] O'Chee: What do I have to do to be an Australian, because my family has been in this country for a hundred and ten years[78-year-old woman on incoming telephone call]: It doesn't matter.O'Chee: I've got to look English, have I?Old Lady: YesO'Chee: What about the Aboriginies?Old Lady: They're Australian, too.O'Chee: Can I just get this down for the record -- you can look Aboriginal and be an Australian, or you can look English and be an Australian, but you can't look Asian and be an Australian?Old Lady: That's right.”

“But that’s the wonderful thing about foreign travel, suddenly you are five years old again. You can’t read anything, you have only the most basic sense of how things work, you can’t even reliably cross the street without endangering your life. Your whole existence becomes a series of interesting guesses.”

“You've no idea how good an old joke sounds when you take it out again after a rest of five or six hundred years.”

“You must take a year off, one of these days, before you’re old and tired and weighed down by responsibility. Go away somewhere, and read. Read all the important books. Educate yourself, then you’ll see the world in a different way.”