“There are four kinds of people to avoid in the world: the assholes, the asswipes, the ass-kissers, and those that just will shit all over you.”

“The Greatest Generation gets too much credit. Those World War II guys, if they had all the shit we have today, they'd be assholes too. It's just circumstantial. It's what you're called on to do that makes you great. We haven't been called on to do anything but buy shit and get fat.”

“There are four kinds of people in the world—those who have been caregivers, those who currently are caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.” —former first lady Rosalynn Carter”

“...the day shit is worth money, poor people will be born without an asshole”

“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.”

“I blinked once, "if it's anywhere near as bad as what those assholes did to me... I'm tired of living through this shit just to step into deeper fucking shit. So if all you have planned for me is more torture, I think I'd rather die. Just do me one favor and don't... I don't want to die slow.”