“When you get beef from the butcher, you don’t feel bad for the cow that has been killed. But if someone asked you to wield a knife and kill the cow yourself, you wouldn’t be able to do it.”“Are you saying that you are a cow?”“Exactly.”“What?”“You found me alive and couldn’t bring yourself to kill me. It would have been alright if the storm had finished me off. I am like that cow and the storm is the butcher. Do you see now?”“Yes, I see. You absolutely insist that you are a cow. I am not arguing.”

“It is an adventure called Bertie’s Botheration. A haunting, gothic tale of…” She stopped for the dowager was frantically gesturing to her heart and grinning.“You have read it! It is my favourite book. Ah, I see you love it too. Yes... yes, I understand you could never tell anyone that it is your favourite. Not lofty enough. I keep a few acceptable names in my head every time someone asks me what my favourite book is, but one does not really confess what book they actually really like and have read over and over …”

“Theodore, I don’t think I have to tell you but …”“I won’t mention the little incident, your grace. Not even on my deathbed.”“Thank you, but to be safe you should give me your solemn oath.”Theodore repeated his promise with his hand on his heart.“Ah, we have to do his sort of thing correctly. Fetch me a holy book.”

“I don’t have to do nothing you say, you old heifer cow. And you are old. Really, really old. And a cow, too. (Simi)”

“Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger”

“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you. They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”

“I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, "WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES???”