“Hey, you look at your tits; I'll look at mine! (Michael Tolliver, Tales of the City)”

“She told me about the cop. And the movie star, and the construction worker. You're not having a life Michael, you're fucking the Village People one at a time”

“If you want to know who the oppressed minorities in America are, simply look at who gets their own shelf in the bookstore. A black shelf, a women's shelf, and a gay shelf.”

“Mona knocked at the wrong time.“Uh…yeah…wait a minute, Mona -- ”Mona shouted through the door. “Room service, gentlemen. Just pull the covers up.”Michael grinned at Jon. “My roommate. Brace yourself.”Seconds later, Mona burst through the doorway with a tray of coffee and croissants.“Hi! I’m Nancy Drew! You must be the Hardy Boys!”

“What about San Francisco?""What about it?""Did you like it?"She shrugged. "It was O.K.""Just O.K.?"She laughed. "Good God!""What?""You're all alike here.""How so?" he asked."You demand adoration for the place. You're not happy until everybody swears undying love for every nook and cranny of every precious damn --""Whoa, missy.""Well, it's true. Can't you just worship it on your own? Do I have to sign an affadavit?"He chuckled. "We're that bad, are we?""You bet your ass you are.”

“Don't listen when they scoffThat you are too old and I am young,For I am old enough to know betterAnd you are young enough not to care.”

“Things speed up as you circle the drain.”