“Chocolate is a vegetable. Honest.”

“Patriotism. I'm uncomfortable with any word that starts with a pat, ends in an ism and has a riot in the middle.”

“Carpe Diem Ballus. Translation: Seize the Day by the Balls. Before it seizes your's. (Applies to women too.)”

“With great power comes great reprehensibility.”

“Truth lives in the spaces between words. It defies translation.”

“Our children are our sequels. Our parents are our prequels. All living beings are our equals.”

“You should always judge a book by its lovers.”