“My own attitude to the innumerable injustices of life has always been a philosophical one, especially when they have tended to operate in my favour.”

“My own theory is that the spectacle of the homeless may be necessary to keep the rest of us on the straight and narrow...”

“When Glenda Jackson reveals that she has never been in a relationship with a man in which he hasn't raised his fists to her, I don't know whether this tells us more about the contemporary male or about Glenda Jackson.”

“Now that Mandela has been released from prison we can all admit what has been apparent, that he is not a Tembu tribesman, in fact he is not an African at all. He is quite obviously Chinese. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it makes those who persist in seeing him as a great African statesman look rather foolish.”

“At the Serima Mission, in Victoria Province, I am shown around by an enchantingly pretty African nun called Sister Balbina...She cannot be more than 25, and has the most delightful figure. How poignant that she should have dedicated her life in this way.When we come to the bell tower, I ask her to climb up the ladder in front of me.It was rather a caddish request, I suppose, but I had often wondered. Black petticoats and pink knickers. To think I had to come all this way to find out.”

“...judicial execution can never cancel or remove the atrocity it seeks to punish: it can only add a second atrocity to the original one.”

“Unless people are prepared to declare themselves your enemies you have to hunt around for them.”