“The main objection to killing people as a punishment...is that killing people is wrong”

“...judicial execution can never cancel or remove the atrocity it seeks to punish: it can only add a second atrocity to the original one.”

“Unless people are prepared to declare themselves your enemies you have to hunt around for them.”

“You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny.”

“There are countless horrible things happening all over the world and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible.”

“It is just a lonely certainty that we are right and everybody else wrong, which makes it worthwhile for us busy-bodies to go on making a nuisance of ourselves. Our job is to keep both the simple Philistine and the greedy rich in their places, to prevent them, in their stupidity and avarice, from destroying everything that is left.”

“Now that Mandela has been released from prison we can all admit what has been apparent, that he is not a Tembu tribesman, in fact he is not an African at all. He is quite obviously Chinese. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it makes those who persist in seeing him as a great African statesman look rather foolish.”