“He looked and sounded exactly like a real psychiatrist. Until he opened his mouth. "Let's ask God," he said.”

“When I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right next to me like a real best friend, watching, and smiling, and wishing he had a mouth.”

“My brother had very specific likes and dislikes. Basically, he liked anything until it harmed him and then he was wary.”

“Oh, I had a great time. My thirty-three-year-old boyfriend said he wished they could package my cum like ice cream so he could eat it all day.”

“I believe in the baby Jesus, and I believe he is handsome and lives in the sky with his pet cow. I believe that it is essential the cow like you, and if you pet the cow with your mind, it will lick your hand and give you cash. But if you make the cow angry, it will turn away from you, forget you exist, and your life will fall into shambles. I believe that as long as the cow likes you, you can get what you want. In order to keep the cow’s favor, you need to ‘let go and let God,’ meaning you can’t obsess about controlling every little thing. You have to let things unfold naturally, and not try to change things you cannot change. On the other hand, I believe that if you’ve made the cow happy by living this way, you’re allowed to ask for favors...”

“He likes people because he likes to share in conversations. I like people when they have large checks for me.”

“My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to what resided between his lines.”