“I hate news and information and anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of oblivion in which I live.”

“As I sat in the hot, salty water, I thought, 'No wonder Mr. Bubble always gives me a urinary tract infection and hives.' Mr. Bubble was for common people. Mr. Bubble was for my so-called brother, their true child. I was a Vanderbilt. I should bathe in condiments and seasonings.”

“To me, these people were as exotic as animals in a zoo. I'd never seen anything like them. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be one of them or simply live among them taking notes and photographs. ”

“Despite evidence to the contrary, I hated drinking to the point that I misplaced really big slabs of time.”

“I hate feelings. Why does sobriety have to come with feelings?”

“I didn't begin life hating my grandmother. Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her.”

“Bad news should be followed with soup. Then a nap.”