“And then Dieter was like, 'Over my dead body!'"And I was thinking my roomie was about to get his wish."And then Rei got super vampy and was like, 'Yield to my power!'"And then Dieter started grunting and looked super uncomfortable."And then Rei took a step forward."And then Dieter dropped to his knees, but a moment later he started going 'Reee!'"And I was like, 'Oh, for the love of God, please don't kill me.'"And then Rei walked over and elbowed him in the head...."That's about it. Oh, and there were grenades.”

“Rei glanced over at me and nodded. “Exactly, Dieter. Just avoid having the cattle and keep walking.” I cleared my throat. “A cow. It’s ‘don’t have a cow.’” Rei frowned. “I fail to see why it must be a female.”

“She was starting to feel a little like a hamburger at a dieters’ convention. Nobody was likely to snack on her, but absolutely everybody noticed she was edible.”

“He would say her name over and over until it devolved into meaningless sounds - mah REI kuh, mah REI kuh - it became an entry in a dictionary of loneliness.”

“Umm, well do I have to tell you how it’s done?” I tease, as I get on my knees and lean over him, . A wide smile spreads over his face as I straddle his lap.“Oh, are you taking dominance? I think I like that.” He grips his hands on my hips, pulling me as close as he can get.”

“I recently read that 99% of dieters fail to maintain their weight loss and, given my past experience, that statistic feels true to me!”