“Her hair was bright red, her skin, pale, and I can't explain why, but something about her shouted, 'I heart granola.' She belonged in one of those commercials for asthma medicines. The one with two women skipping through the park as the voiceover says, "With my uncontrollable gasping under control, I'm free as a bird!”

“I spilled my cup of coffee straight onto my crotch. Superior heat retention has its drawbacks. I grimaced as the scalding liquid reached ground zero, but as I did my best to angle my jeans away from the Resnick family's last hope, my seatmate decided to dispose of her hoodie.I juggled two pressing needs:1) Protect the nethers.2) Leer”

“I am aware that humans believe they are the sole owners of this curse, but all creatures love, Dieter. Love is our one shared madness, our one shared burden. All creatures are driven against sense by it, and even the lowest ant will die madly for her queen.”

“Internal bleeding?""Indeed," she said, gesturing to a bag of light red fluid. "You pee blood as we speak."I felt down to my nether regions and blushed. There was a tube in my wee-wee. Rei smiled gleefully.”

“I fought the mighty urge to watch her put it on. My libido had just burst out of the closet and was tripping over furniture yelling, "Who? What? Where?" (Please excuse him. He doesn't get out much)”

“Stumbling out of the debris cloud, I ran smack into Jules."What the hell did ya do?" she asked in exasperation. "I mean, I only left ya alone for thirty minutes and---""Not me, Boss!" I gasped,coughing up some drywall."Monique. Rei. Schoolhouse-rumble.""Oi," Jules said, face-palming."For the love of the spirit, what for?"I dusted myself off. "Street cred, yo. Street cred.”

“Rei glanced over at me and nodded. “Exactly, Dieter. Just avoid having the cattle and keep walking.” I cleared my throat. “A cow. It’s ‘don’t have a cow.’” Rei frowned. “I fail to see why it must be a female.”