“With all the safety mechanisms in place to make cribs safer, still more infants die alone in cribs than in the family bed; yet, there has never been an outcry to ban cribs.”

“In one corner of the square is a manger scene with two live sheep, a bed of hay, a couple of cows. The baby Jesus is a brown-faced doll lying in his crib, but Mary and Joseph are real and dressed in period garb. Joseph hoists a staff, Mary sports her virginal blue robes. As I walked by the other day, Joseph balanced on the crib, light bulb in hand, reaching toward an electrical socket. Mary, I guess, was taking a break. She sat on the edge of the crib. Her blue robes were hiked high enough to reveal Doc Marten boots beneath. She sipped a can of Coke and smoked.”

“All these things that crib and cab in your brain, in your imagination, are in fact things that might well in later life drive you insane.”

“I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.”

“You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car.”

“Why didn’t they just toss the kid in her crib?”“You haven’t been around many kids, have you?”“Not safe. They smell too good, like tasty snacks.”