“For a decadent like Baudelaire the only possible ends are suicide or the foot of the cross”

“Writing! The activity for which the only adequate bribe is the possibility of suicide, one day.”

“The footing was really atrocious. I loved it. I really like Cross Country; you're one with the mud.”

“If you are interested in happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle. This is because not very many happy things happened in the lives of the three Baudelaire youngsters.”

“It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try to readjust the way you thought of things. The Baudelaire orphans were crying not only for their Uncle Monty, but for their own parents, and this dark and curious feeling of falling that accompanies every great loss.”

“People always think that a suicide is commited for one reason. But it is perfectly possible to commit a suicide for two reasons.”