“Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today”

“Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, "Hey Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome”

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”

“You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.”

“Dude.. where's your suit? Just once, when I say "suit up" I wish you'd put on a suit.”

“Article 2: "A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”

“It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!”