“Blessed are the idiots, for they are happiest people on earth.”

“The emotional health of a village depended upon having a man whom everyone loved to hate, and Heaven had blessed us with two of them.”

“Show me a quest for personal immortality and I'll show you a path through a slaughterhouse, and the incense of personal divinity is the stench of other people's corpses.”

“I have never been able to understand why perfectly sensible people waste time being wittily obscure instead of just saying what they want and going on about their business.”

“Ox, what occupation is most closely linked to insanity?''Emperor,' I said promptly.”

“Ox, at an early age a Chinese genius gazes at the path that lies ahead and reaches for a wine jar," Master Li said. "Is it any wonder that our greatest men have lurched rather than walked across the landscape as they hiccuped their way into history?”

“The problem with 'the crown jewel of Chinese literature' [Dream of the Red Chamber] is that it has two thousand pages and an equal number of characters, and the hero is an effeminate ass who should have either been spanked or decapitated, both ends being equally objectionable.”