“A ransom note, the true test of unconditional love.”

“Sending love letters to first-graders will teach them lessons in cursive. But writing back will test their commitment.”

“Dentistry is a precondition to love at first sight. When your eyes meet she beams with happiness, but when you smile back she shows her true reflexes.”

“Be true to your divided selves. They're the only ones who will support you in moments of vacillation.”

“Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.”

“I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.”

“Einstein’s remark on the limitlessness of human stupidity is made even more disturbing by the discovery that infinity comes in different sizes. Answering ‘How much stupider?’ or trying to measure the minimal idiocy bounded by an IQ test are mysteries which are themselves infinitely less alarming than simply attempting to tally the anti-savant population. One can count all the natural idiots (they’re the same as the even number of idiots – twice as many), but the number of real idiots continues forever: all the counting idiots (finger reckoners) plus all the fractional idiots (geniuses on a bad day) plus all the irrational idiots (they go on and on and on) add up to a world in which the approaching upper limit of our set of natural resources has its complement in the inexhaustible lower limit of our set of mental ones.”