“After all else, there’s more yet: I don’t know what, though.”

“I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.”

“I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to tell me there’s something inside my head, controlling me?”

“I just wanted the rain to come so I could help grow something. But I became a part of so much more” – a grain of dirt after a mudslide.”

“We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.”

“Sympathy is why when a man is getting mugged, you let him keep his shirt after you take his life. Funerals are respectable affairs, after all.”

“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.”