“Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.”

“Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.”

“Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.”

“I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.”

“To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.”

“I have never sought to displease; I merely seek pleasure and avoid the pain it causes those who work to produce it. That is what it means to live by the leisure principle.”

“Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always dying.”