“Children should have a balanced diet. They should only consume sugar, salt, and fat in equal quantities.”

“Aping the lower class will only lead to fatherless children, unusable muscles, and the fear of tomorrow’s sobriety.”

“Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.”

“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.”

“Flatterers should be mistrusted, especially when they praise the dead. To seek a place in society is self-serving, but to seek one in history affects everyone.”

“Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future.”

“Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.”