“If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.”

“So many things happen that we can't control, its best not to worry about what we can. Believing you can change the world has a terrible effect on one's ego.”

“Rioter: a person who wants dinner, and needs a TV to eat it with.”

“The French: a people who have used their sophisticated culture and beautiful language to bequeath to the world the sliced potato.”

“I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.”

“Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always dying.”

“What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper protection these days is exactly why there are always so many colds going around.”