“It is remarkably precocious when a person accomplishes anything after the age of thirty.”

“Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep.”

“Sympathy is why when a man is getting mugged, you let him keep his shirt after you take his life. Funerals are respectable affairs, after all.”

“When a person encounters his own statue and takes a hammer to it, performance art adds depth to greatness.”

“Performance enhancements are most impressive when used by that sedentary athlete, the videogamer. After he turns to hitchhiking in disgrace, his giant thumbs can take him anywhere.”

“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”

“Don't believe anything I say. My point of view is merely objective.”