“It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much.”

“When you don't hold your pipe with the proper poise, smoking is very hazardous for your image.”

“Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal.”

“When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.”

“The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.”

“When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them.”

“What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper protection these days is exactly why there are always so many colds going around.”