“Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.”

“Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect.”

“Usually I am the only subject I care to discuss with company. But when I'm getting reacquainted with an old friend, I really enjoy just sitting back and listening to them talk about me for a while.”

“I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.”

“Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.”

“I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.”

“I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to tell me there’s something inside my head, controlling me?”