“Neighbors are the most indecent sort of folk around. Nothing but voyeurs and gossipers. As a community we would be much better off without them.”

“The smaller the dinner table, the better the side conversation: you can gossip about the guests without fearing whether you will be overheard. It just isn't good table manners to exclude someone from their own ridicule. That's why the juiciest side conversations occur at a table for one.”

“Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.”

“A man without debts is a man without anything to live for. Debt is collateral for life. It provides you with obligations to others, gives you duty, gives you purpose: the purpose to protect those possessions which you would not otherwise have without your debt. Debt is the most responsible way to elevate your social position.”

“Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs.”

“Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.”

“Without humor, we’d all be what we’re laughing at. Without arrogance, we’d be humiliated to admit we already are.”